Time Spent and Time Lost
by silverdoe394
Summary: Collection of drabbles/short chapters about the relationship between Severus Snape and Lily Evans Potter pre-, during, and post-Hogwarts. Will probably include a few AU drabbles at some point. Not in any particular order.
1. Adolescence

Control.

Control was the one of the few qualities Severus Snape cherished above all others. Control meant safety, control meant power, and with so little in his life he could control, he latched onto as much as he could; so he mastered his spells, his potion-making; he got excellent marks in all of his classes. He also silently celebrated every victory he had over those pesky Marauders.

So when he could not even control his own body, it began to be a little infuriating.

He knew puberty was supposed to be unpleasant, but it wasn't just that. He _hated_ it. He hated the sudden mood swings, the general awkwardness of well… everything, and most of all he hated the clumsiness. The first two he could hide from his fellow schoolmates, at least, but his arms and legs were growing so fast that his brain simply couldn't keep up. It seemed he was tripping over nothing at least once a day.

He'd tripped with books in his hands, and when carrying food back to the Slytherin common room, once he even tripped while holding potion ingredients that had singed bits of his robes off and even created a hole in his desk, which Slughorn punished him for.

It was miserable, and he was already ostracized by most of his classmates as it was. The worst times were when he had unfortunately fallen in the sights of James Potter or Sirius Black, who of course escalated the unbearableness of it all.

"Thanks, Snivellus, for the first laugh of the day. Would you mind tripping for us again? I could use another laugh before my Charms test this morning," Sirius guffawed one morning in the Great Hall.

"You're lucky Dumbledore's here to protect you from me jinxing that ugly smile off your face, Black," Severus retorted, eyeing the headmaster enjoying his breakfast at the teacher's table. He was using every amount of restraint he had to not pull his wand out from his pocket.

At the very least he had Lily who was always his support when no one else was.

"It's natural, Sev," Lily told him when breakfast ended that morning and they were headed to Transfiguration. "Lots of teenagers go through this. You'll grow out of it soon enough."

"I know, Lily. But you just don't understand…" he paused before continuing in a whisper. "How embarrassing it is."

"I know how hard it's been for you. Don't let that stupid James Potter and his friends get to you, getting you riled up is exactly what they want."

"Yes, well, I just don't –" But he was interrupted by his legs betraying him just as they rounded the last corner that leads to the Transfiguration classroom. And as he tripped, he took Lily with him.

Seconds later, the two were at the mercy of gravity. Lily let out a grunt of pain as Severus's body toppled them over, causing her back to smack against the hard castle floor. The moment happened so fast that a few seconds were needed before either of them realized the awkward position they were now in.

"Bloody hell, Lily, I'm so sorry," Severus said, blushing profusely. He had her pinned underneath his body. Their heads were so close together they were nearly kissing. Severus had no idea what to do with his hands.

Once he figured it out, he realized that it sounded like that really hurt when Lily had fallen, and Severus wasn't sure if she would be angry or if she might need to have Madame Pomfrey take a look at her.

Instead, her lips stretched into a smile.

"That's the second time this morning you've tripped, Sev," she said, teasing him with a giggle. Her fingers briefly touched his forearm.

Severus's eyes flickered to her hand for half a second. He breathed a sigh of relief. "I _told_ you this is becoming a problem."

"Okay, I believe you now."

"So you're all right, then?"

Being so close to Severus had her blushing already as it was, but the concern in his eyes as he inquired about her wellbeing caused her face to become even hotter. "Yes, but I would appreciate if you would let me get up so we can get to Transfiguration on time."

Severus shifted his gaze from Lily to their bodies on the floor. It was almost as if he had forgotten that this wasn't supposed to be kind of exciting.

"Right." The next moment, he got off his best friend the least awkward way he possibly could (which was still very awkward). Once Severus was back on his feet, he extended his right hand to Lily, helping her up.

"Sorry about that. Again," Severus mumbled, scratching the back of his head. He was sure his face was red as a cherry; he could barely look her in the eye now. Had he looked, though, he would have seen that her face was still as red as her hair.

As he replayed the event over and over and over in his mind; his body fired off a thousand different responses that made him feel both anxious and elated. _Another mood swing_ , he thought to himself. But this time, he wasn't actually sure if he completely loathed this one.

"Don't worry about it. C'mon, McGonagall's gonna kill us if we're late." Lily tugged on his arm to urge him in the direction of the classroom.

During Transfiguration, daydreaming instead of listening, Severus came to the conclusion that he wouldn't mind tripping over Lily Evans again.


	2. Strangers

**A/N:** Drabble about how Severus and Lily dealt with the end of their friendship.

* * *

The following weeks after their falling out - after the incident, were the most painful. Severus used every opportunity he could to apologize to Lily. He asked for her forgiveness before Charms and Potions started, he asked if they could talk when he spotted her eating in the Great Hall, ignoring the jeers her friends threw at him as he approached. Severus even sent her letters via owl, saying how he wish he could take it all back, that he wanted to be friends again. Most nights his self-hatred prevented him from sleeping. It was a mistake, a stupid mistake, but Lily had made her choice. He didn't blame her.

The first few weeks were just as hard for Lily. Her best friend, the one who introduced her to magic and all its' wonders, had broken her heart. The friend who told her when they first met that her being born of a Muggle family didn't make any difference had lied. As much as she tried to ignore the signs, she knew that they were growing apart, she knew his love of the Dark Arts was going to put the nail in the coffin. She knew it was coming, and it still broke her heart. The night he called her Mudblood, she cried herself to sleep. She cried at the cruel thing Severus had spat at her, and she also cried at the loss of her best and most cherished friend.

At each opportunity, Lily could have forgiven him, and at each opportunity she wanted to. Lily tried to lead Severus back to a better path, one without Dark Magic and being around Death Eaters of the future, but he was too far gone. Only he could save himself, and if she took him back nothing would change. The best option was to cut him off, and it was the hardest decision she ever made.

Soon, weeks turned into months, and Severus's apologies became fewer and fewer. When passing in the hallways, if they locked eyes, Lily's would shift away immediately, whereas Severus would look on at her with a sad kind of hope. If they were made to partner up in class, Lily would say only what was necessary of her, not even answering if Severus began to resort to talking about the weather. Severus was never one for small talk, Lily knew this best, but he dug up any mundane topic to talk about if it meant he might get a conversation out of her. It never did.

As the months passed, Lily began to heal little by little. She made new friends even though none compared to her best friend. Severus was beginning to find sleep again as he resigned a little more each day that Lily wasn't going to take him back. Severus spent even more time with fellow students who studied the Dark Arts with the intention of getting Lily off his mind. It worked – most days. Other days, Severus would pull out his wand to practice a hex and he'd hear her voice telling him how she knows he can do better than this. Some days, his self-hatred was so enveloping that he wondered if it was best for everyone if he just offed himself.

Eventually, the apologies stopped. As they entered their sixth year, their paths diverged moreso. Lily had kind, new friends, and Severus spent half of his time at Hogwarts alone completely or amongst other students planning to join Voldemort after graduating Hogwarts. By their seventh year, Severus and Lily had no classes together at all and barely passed by one another in the hallways, which Severus was both saddened by and grateful for; as he saw his best friend less, but also did not have to be subjected to seeing her holding hands with James Potter.

On their very last day at Hogwarts, Severus mustered up the courage to give it one last try. He would give Lily one last apology, and if she rejected him he would never bother her again. Severus couldn't believe that it had been two years since they had had their falling out. Those two years felt like a lifetime ago, and sometimes they both wondered if they had really been best friends, or if maybe it was just a story they made up.

On their last day at Hogwarts, when all exams had ended but it was not quite time for the feast and the awarding of the House Cup, Severus set out to look for Lily. He found her outside the castle sitting under an old oak tree, her hair like fire under the light of the setting sun. The tree was one they used to sit under together when making fun of James Potter and his friends or studying for their next exam. Severus began to set across the field when he saw her stand up, and as he came closer he saw that Lily was talking with someone, but with who he did not know. The trunk of the tree was wide enough to conceal the other person's figure.

Lily tugged her companion away from the tree and into view. She pulled him into her arms and gave him a kiss on the cheek. James Potter.

Severus stopped in his tracks and watched as James kissed her back, this time on the lips. When they pulled away, Severus saw Lily giggle and whisper something. Severus looked at the grass beneath him, the shadows of the blades becoming longer and stretched as the sun inched ever further below the horizon. He then gave a small nod to himself and turned back toward the castle.


End file.
